What am I searching for?
how understanding our feelings can help us ask the right questions
Am I confusing searching for a feeling with searching for an answer?
I started asking myself this question a few years ago when I heard someone say they enjoyed poetry because it is more about naming a feeling than solving a problem.
When I search for an answer I’m usually looking for a resolution - a definitive direction to move forward with or specific problem to come to an end. By searching for a feeling, I’m looking to further explain an ongoing experience. I’m not trying to fix, I’m trying to understand.
Lately, when I catch myself in the endless scrolling on social media, I’ve been asking myself this question:
Am I trying to solve a problem or needing to name a feeling?
With just a swipe, I’m given delicious recipes, book recommendations, travel videos, and links to household gadgets - all of which draw my attention for longer than I would like to admit.
But something this mindless scrolling has been doing for me is prompting answers to questions I didn’t know I had.
I didn’t know that I needed fifteen new recipes to try this week. I didn’t know that I needed to read those books to transform my productivity. I didn’t know I needed to add remote island locations to my travel bucket list. I didn’t know I needed extremely specific kitchen tools for foods that rarely make my grocery list.
Pausing to consider what I’m searching for has reminded me:
What I’m really looking for isn’t found mindlessly scrolling and mindlessly scrolling isn’t going to make the uncategorized feelings go away.
The feelings of equal parts intimidation and excitement that consume me when considering what’s next. The gratitude for facetime and voice memos. The grief at the lack of proximity with my closest friends. The confusion of feeling called to create but hitting a wall the moment I try to check it off my to-do list.
As I’ve taken time to understand these feelings, it’s directed me to the bigger questions I’m trying to ask.
How do I start over in a new city?
What does community look like when my deepest friendships are spread across the country?
How can I detach my creativity from productivity?
Naming my feelings first helps me to identify the question I’m trying to answer.
Searching for a feeling and searching for an answer are two different quests. But once we’ve found what we’re looking for in each, the discoveries can lead to confident action in whatever our decided direction may be.