Moving Forward in Unexpected Seasons

four questions to help sort through unexpected seasons

This blog was originally posted July 2022 on heidivanderpan.com.

Have you ever experienced your plans changing? What have you done when you expected one thing and something totally different happened? 

There are so many things that don't go as planned. That’s life, right?

Here are four questions to help sort through unexpected seasons:

1. What is out of my control? 

When you acknowledge all that is outside of your control, it gives the situation a reality check. 

Maybe your mind was telling you it’s all my fault, when in reality, it wasn’t in your control to begin with.

Maybe the “what ifs” are swirling in your mind - “what if I had done _____,  what if didn’t do ___” or “what if I had seen this coming?”

The reality check of this question frees you to release what was not in your control and only take responsibility for what is yours.

2. What can I own?

When the unexpected season came about, what part (if any) did you play in it? Was there a mistake you made that led to an unexpected outcome? Was it due to your planning, or lack thereof? Did you drop the ball on a responsibility? What part of it all can you own?

By own I mean: take responsibility, acknowledge your role, recognize the implications of your actions.

This question helps you name how much of what happened was actually in your control. This frees you up to rethink your game plan, apologize as necessary, and restore the relationships and responsibilities that were impacted on your watch. 

It’s important in this question to focus on owning your part to move forward, not owning your part to be filled with regret or shame. 

3. What is important to me?

This past fall I had a lot of unexpected car trouble - back ordered transmission parts, friends loaning me cars (THANK YOU SMITHS), poor communication with mechanics, and lots of frustrated calls home to my parents. 

I had options for resolution but felt an almost paralyzing pressure considering what people would think of my decision - was it the most financially wise? Was my reasoning going to make sense to everyone? 

I shared these thoughts with my dad and he said “Heidi, all you can do is make the best right decision for you.” 

When you find yourself in an unexpected season, it’s essential to take time and identify what’s important because that will help you make the best right decision.

How do I want to spend my time and money? What do I value in the environment around me? What was important about the thing that didn’t work out? What is important to me as I move forward?

4. What fits with the big picture?

The last question in moving forward in unexpected seasons is identifying what fits with the big picture. 

Basically, zoom out! 

What themes have I noticed in my career, spiritual walk, and personal relationships? What’s my trajectory and how does that fit my goals? What are my goals? 

Unexpected seasons can be chaotic and confuse us on which way is up and which way is down. 

Take time to zoom out and identify next steps that fit with your bigger picture.