Anticipating God in the Unexpected
a trail of stories fifteen years in the making
As I sit down to write this a breeze is coming through my open window and birds are chirping in the distance. I spent my morning reading in the sunshine and just finished sipping on an iced chai latte (my favorite).
It’s officially the start to summer.
I turned 31 last week and my early June birthday is also another indication that summer is here.
My birthday fell in the middle of the week and was accompanied by a terrible cold, busy work days, apartment hunting, and preparations for a weekend speaking engagement. Between the shuffle of many moving pieces I couldn’t help but think:
This is not how I imagined turning 31.
But then again, much of my life is not how I imagined it to be :)
The big highlight from my previous year around the sun was publishing my book Audacious: Redefining the Space Between a Bold Request and an Unimaginable Answer. In those typed up pages, I share about my journey to reconsider what it means to pray boldly and encourage others to see how our conversations with God are an invitation for us to be honest and trust that He cares and fights for us.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on the chapter titled “The Scariest Prayer.”
It’s a prayer I wish I would have known many years ago and one I’m clinging to when life is still continuing to unfold in front of eyes… And that prayer is this:
“Jesus, surprise me.”
My first major memory of life not being what I expected happened when I was 16.
My parents were serving together as pastors of a church in Woodbury, Minnesota. We had moved there when I was just three years old for my dad to plant this church and my mom to attend seminary close by. I remember the church offices being in the basement of our home and Sunday morning services in the gymnasium of my elementary school. When I was seven, my mom was ordained and became the associate pastor leading the church alongside my dad. The church eventually moved into its building where I would run around in the field on evenings when my parents had meetings and help them lock up after a worship on Sundays.
I grew up in that church; it was truly a part of our family.
So, when I was sixteen and my parents felt called to leave that church and each took new positions at different churches, my world was turned upside down.
I had never even considered that life as I knew it could change. I had just always envisioned that my parents would be pastor’s there forever and I’d always have that safe building and familiar faces as part of my regular rhythm.
I was surprised at the change of plans, angry that I had no control over the situation, and disappointed that all the things I had dreamed that church would be, were no longer an option.
Why would God make something so good come to a screeching halt?
As it always does, life carried on. I finished high school and my parents eventually moved out of my childhood home to be closer to their new churches. I spent four years at Gustavus Adolphus College and then moved across the country to Portland, Oregon. After seven and a half years and building a whole life on the west coast, I returned to Minnesota to be closer to family, have flexibility to travel, and increase my capacity to write that book.
When I look back on all the life I have lived since I was 16 years old, none of it is what I expected but I can’t help but see how it all connects back to when everything I knew changed.
When my parents felt called to new churches, as hard as it was, it showed me how following where God is calling us is not always easy. You see when I decided to go to Gustavus it was a pretty big deal. My parents, sister, and several extended family members all attended the same college in northern Minnesota. There was even a statue in my great grandparents honor at that school, so the pressure was on for me to go there too. But, I felt an unexplainable draw or call to Gustavus and was able to make that hard decision because I had seen my parents follow a call from God with confidence.
Looking back on my decision to move to Oregon, I think it was made easier because my definition of home had expanded when my parents moved away from the town I grew up in. There was no longer just one house, one street, or one town that was home - but I came to experience home as a feeling I searched for and not a static place I returned to.
In all of these compounding experiences I’ve learned that walking with God means that it’s never the end of the story.
As a Christian, I have faith in God’s redemptive character. When he sent Jesus to come and make disciples, be crucified, and die. That wasn’t the end of the story - Jesus went on to conquer death and make it no longer something that we fear.
Jesus redeemed what we know about sin establishing that it is through him we are made clean and new.
Jesus redeemed humankind's entire relationship with God, making it through him that we have that direct access and relationship with God.
Through this trail of stories and reflection connecting to one singular even 15+ years ago, I’ve learned that the scariest prayer of “Jesus, surprise me” is also one of my favorites.
Ephesians 3:20 says that God can do immeasurably more than we can hope or imagine.
Asking Jesus to surprise us in the confusing and painful parts of our story points to our faith being in His redemption, not a guaranteed solution.
So, as I reflect on my recent birthday and how life is not what I expected it to be… I think I’m in good company.
I’ve been here before and will be here again.
As I step into another year and this summertime season, I’m being intentional to anticipate and hopefully experience the surprising and redemptive character of God.
Reflection Questions:
How can I have an eye for the story God is weaving together?
Where do I want to anticipate surprise instead of clinging to a specific outcome or solution?